The Ex
by Amicron
Summary: Megatron is sparkbroken? An alliance with the autobots! Starscream attacked by fangirls!  ANYHOO READ! OR I SHALL SEND ZOMBIE SCORPONOK ON YOU!   EVIL LAUGH   REVIEW! C:
1. Chapter 1

The Ex  
Written by The Amicron  
I only own the story and The  
Ex-Femmefriend. Everything and everyone else belongs to Hasbro.  
First fanfic! Wish me luck!

It was an uneventful day at the decepticon base. The base's  
inhabitants were mildly milling about, not much to do. The Autobots  
had not attacked recently, the decepticon's energon storage was  
adequately filled, and Megatron had not issued any orders for the time  
being. The seeker trine all was in the main hangar, playing Guitar  
Hero. Soundwave was watching his favorite TV show, "Adventure Time."  
Barricade, Blackout and Frenzy were prank-calling Starbucks. Ravage  
was rolling around in the mud outside, while Lugnut was alone in his  
room, practicing ballet.  
The day went on like this, not much happening. Evening came around,  
and right about 6:OO in the afternoon, Megatron ordered all of the  
decepticons to meet him in the entryway to the base. Lugnut was the  
first to walk in the room, but he stopped short in the doorway,  
gawking at the decepticon dictator. Barricade walked right into Lugnut.  
"Ooph, what's your problem, Lugnut? Don't just stand in the door  
staring at..."  
At this point 'Cade saw Megatron for himself over Lugnut's shoulder.  
The seeker trine walked into the room next.  
"Did you see me do that solo?" Thundercracker boasted.  
"I was so- Oh... My... Primus!"  
Starscream took one look at Megatron and doubled over, laughing.  
Skywarp quickly took a picture.  
Megatron shouted, blushing.  
"Stop laughing! That's really not funny. I said, STOP IT! I'm...  
Um... Not going to be at the base tonight. I have some... duties,  
yeah, I need to attend to. I won't be back until eleven this evening,  
so I expect you all to keep the roof from falling down in this place."  
Soundwave popped in and said in that monotonous voice if his,  
"What, you goin' on a date?"  
"The way he's dressed up like that, yeah..." Frenzy chuckled.  
"SHUT UP!" Megatron roared.  
"But why do you look all fancy?"  
Blackout questioned innocently.  
"You never get yourself all fancy looking."  
"BACK to the point... I need you all to keep this place from falling  
to ruins. Nobody give Frenzy coffee! And no more ordering two thousand  
pizzas at once. Soundwave, you're in charge,"  
"Exellent," Soundwave said.  
"Aawww..." Starscream whined.  
"But... Are you going on a date?"  
Megatron sighed heavily, facepalming.  
"Yes, yes. I'm going on a date. 'Kay, 'bye"  
And on that note, our beloved spiky leader transformed into a space jet  
and zoomed off, leaving the shocked others.

Yeah, and that's all, folks! STAY TUNED THERE'S MORE TO COME!

reviews are smiled upon. PEACE OUT!


	2. Chapter II

**The Ex  
Ch II  
I 3 Roman Numerals :3  
Get ready for some more craziness!**

It was only nine thirty at night. After all of the decepticons had  
gotten over their shock of Megatron going on a date, they all gathered  
together and disused what they should do.  
However, some decepticons love to cause chaos. And party.  
"PARTY!" Frenzy and Ravage shouted simultaneously.  
"No. No party," objected Soundwave.  
"Megatron said that..."  
"I WANNA PARTY! I WANNA PARTY!"  
"Why can't we just order a pizza instead and watch a movie?"  
"If I were in charge, this would not be happening,"  
"But... Our GLORIOUS Megatron is dating!"  
"Lugnut..."  
"AAUUGH! PARTY!"  
"NO, Frenzy,"  
"PARTY!"  
"Shut up, all of you! I'm trying to think here!"  
"Wow, what a feat..."  
"Shut up!"  
"Soundwave, do something! You're in charge!"  
"I am TRYING!"  
"AAUUGH! AAUUGH! PARTY!"  
"Why is no one paying attention to me!"  
BANG!  
Fed up with all the fighting, Barricade transformed his arm gun and  
fired a hole in the ceiling, silencing the arguing decepticons.  
Soundwave facepalmed.  
"Stop shouting for the love of Primus! You're giving me a processor-  
ache!" Barricade yelled. He did not look happy at all. All of the  
decepticons stared at him for a good full five minutes.  
"Akward..." Thundercracker coughed.  
"I'm leaving the room until you all can be quiet!" Barricade  
announced. The 'cons stared back at him.  
"Okay, here I go..." Cade said, slowly walking towards the door.  
Lugnut rolled all five of his optics.  
"Attention wannabee..." Someone whispered.  
"I'm opening the door..." Cade said, all optics on him.  
But just as he laid his claws on the doorknob, the entire entranced  
slammed open. Barricade was left squished rather comically behind the  
open door and the wall. All of the decepticons gasped.  
It was Megatron.  
"He's back awfully early..." Skywarp muttered.  
"Megatron! Your back!" Starscream shouted flippantly. But instead of  
the usually smart retort, Megatron just walked silently into the room.  
The expression on his face could only described as shock. There was an  
awkward moment until Blackout broke the tension with-  
"So... How'd the date go?"  
"How did the date go?" Megatron echoed quietly, but suddenly outburst.  
"How did it go! How did it go! I'LL TELL YOU HOW DID IT GO! THAT  
STUPID BACKSTABBING SPARKBREAKING EVIL FEMME DUMPED ME!"  
All of the decepticons gasped. Lugnut gasped.

"who would want to dump the GLORIOUS Megatron?"  
Megatron roared and began to punch holes in the wall with his weird  
claw hands. "SHE SAID I WAS TOO UPFRONT AND THAT I WAS A BAD KISSER  
AND THAT I SMELLED FUNNY AND..."  
All of the decepticons backed away from Megatron. He was not happy. An  
unhappy Megatron is the same as a Megatron surrounded by dead bodies.  
But never have they seen their leader this angry.  
..."AND THAT SHE WANTED SOME SPACE AND ALL OF THAT UNICRON SPAWNED  
CRAP!"  
Megatron then proceeded to go on a rampage, blowing up almost the  
entire base. Shooting things with his giant bazooka fusion gun,  
smashing things with his spiky mace of doom, and stomping around in a  
blind fury. Starscream, Skywarp and Thundercracker screamed. Ravage got  
out a camcorder. Lugnut just stood there. Blackout unleashed Scorponok  
so he could dig a hole to hide in. Barricade, still dizzy from getting  
slammed in a door, staggered into a wall. Soundwave chased Frenzy. The  
entire decepticon base was reduced to a pile of ashes and rubble, with  
Megatron in the middle of it. Optics blazing red (well, more red than  
usual) from anger, panting from the exertion of annihilating an entire  
building meant to withstand multiple autobot attacks.  
Then our poor spiky decepticon dictator promptly sat down and began to  
cry.

**Aww... I almost feel sorry for Megatron, from the way he's acting.  
I've known that being dumped by someone is a sad and painful  
feeling... Well at least from TV :3**

**And Frenzy loves to party, apparently.  
And yes, Megatron's girlfriend is a femme. I know, you guys were  
hoping for a human or a mech, and those **_**are**_** good plot bunnies... But  
for now...  
Stay tuned! Moar to come! The autobots make a brief guest appearance  
next chapter! WooHoo! And as always, reviews are smiled upon.  
Live long and prospers, Amicron out.**


	3. Chapter three

Ch III  
Bah weep grannah weep ninneh bong, fellow femmes and gentelmechs! The  
Amicron is back. Sorry 'bout the wait, I hit a MAJOR writer's block =_='  
(note to self- never hit a writers' block no matter how hard they  
insult Bumblebee. Bad, bad...)  
Well, here goes nothing...  
The Ex, chapter numerous très

Dawn. The most peaceful time of the day, where the sky was almost  
light, yet dark. The air was cool, dew hanging heavily off of  
everything. Everyone was still asleep.  
Except for a small band of giant robots huddled together, not too far  
away from a large smoldering crater that used to be the Decepticon  
base. Their leader, Megatron, had trashed the place in a fit of anger  
and sadness because he just came back from a very distressing date. He  
probably was still in the wreckage, sulking, but all of the others  
were too scared to go and face the wrath of a spark broken warmonger  
with a giant cannon. They had no idea what to do next. Some suggested  
ditching the planet and running away. Others wanted to go try and  
salvage what they could from the wreckage, most notably, Soundwave's  
beloved computer and the coffee. But that would risk running into  
Megatron, and everyone shuddered at the thought.

The seeker trine had flown away in fear during the rampage, and  
Soundwave didn't bother trying to contact them, they were probably on  
the other side of the state by now. Starscream was known to be a huge  
coward and everyone in his little clique followed him wherever he  
went. The decepticons knew that they had to act quickly, because after  
the date, Megatron cased such a ruckus that the blasted team NEST and  
those nosy autobots would be here any minute. No one was in the mood  
for an epic battle that usually happens whenever a large group of  
autobots and a large group of Decepticons mix.  
"Speak of the Unicron..." Barricade said, noticing the group of  
helicopters and trucks that were advancing towards them. The  
decepticons quickly hid. A group of cars drove over to the edge of the  
crater and transformed. Fro where the decepticons were, they couldn't  
hear what the autobots were saying.

"Hey, where the Prime?" Frenzy whispered. "Y'know, the red and blue  
one who is, like, a truck?"  
It was true. Optimus wasn't among the group of autobots by the crater.  
That was odd, because he always was with the autobots. But then again,  
Optimus Prime was infamous for having a very dramatic entrance *cough*  
dropping out of airplane *cough*  
Frenzy's question was answered soon enough, though.  
The helicopters flew over, and out of nowhere, a truck fell out.  
"Autobots, I'm in pursuit!" the prime yelled. Then he suddenly panicked.  
"MY PARACHUTE!"  
Right before he hit the ground.  
Hard.  
"OWCH!" Optimus shouted, and transformed, rubbing hisdented helm. He  
always hated when that happened. Always have a dramatic entrance, but  
right when he just made a fool of himself. He promised the others he  
wouldn't do that again... And he forgot to transform unto he hit the  
ground. All of the other autobots drove up to him, laughing their afts  
off.  
"My goodness that was epic!" Ratchet said, chuckling.  
Bee nodded enthusiastically and twittered in agreement.  
Jazz and Ironhide were laughing too hard to even transform into their  
biped modes. Optimus Prime was the best leader around, but ounce in a  
while…

At this point, Ravage suddenly tripped over a banana peel that was SO  
conviniently placed right next to his foot. He tumbled into view, and  
Frenzy ran after him. All of the autobots stared at the cassetecons  
for several akward moments. Then Ironhide, forgetting Prime's  
stupidity quickly got up and aimed his arm cannons atthe cons.  
Soundwave could not bear to see his beloved minions get blown up so he  
ran out, too. Barricade followed because he wanted to see want would  
happen. Everyone kept running out, one by one. All of the autobots  
stared at the group of decepticons, not expecting them to just pop out.  
"Well, this is akward..." Bumblebee said.  
"Couldn't agree more," gulped Frenzy, who was still staring down the  
barrel of Ironhide's gun.  
More akward pauses.  
Jazz then broke the silence.  
"So... Dis crater was ya doin?"  
"Megatron's"  
"...Dare I ask jus' what this place wuz?"  
"Our base!" Blackout said proudly.  
"Why in the universe wouldja blow up your own base?"  
"We didn't, Megatron did,"  
"Why?"  
The deceptions looked at each other with wide optics. Dare they tell  
the autobots about Megatron?  
Barricade stammered.  
"Well... You see... Megatron, um, how should I put this-"  
"His femme broke up with him!" Lugnut blurted out.  
All pfthe autobots gasped.  
"That's terrible!" Optimis said, astonished.  
"Where is he now?"  
"Somewhere in the wreckage" Soundwave said, shrugging.  
"I wouldn't go in there if I w-"  
"Im going in!" Opimus Prime said.  
"I know that being broken up with a lov is a devastating expirience,  
and I know Megatron better that any of you do. So Im going in there,  
and go tell it right to his face to get over it."  
"Prime, don't!" Ratchet said. "That's suicide!"  
But the red and blue peterbuilt truck was already making his way  
through the smoldering remains of what used to be the decepticon base.  
"He is so slagged," someone said.

Ooh yay! Cliffhangars! Will Optimus ever emerge? He was being awfully  
stupid in this chapter... Hopefully he will come to his senses in the  
next chapter. Or do you want me to keep him an idiot? Tell me in  
comments.  
And yes, Soundwave is such a sweetie. I love how he revealed himself  
because he didn't want Frenzy and Ravage to get blown up. :3 I  
personally would have done the same... Anyhoo, plz review!

Amicron out.


	4. Chapter 4

**Mnyeh. Skool is bringing me down. Please forgive me for the wait. All I can know is that YAY ANOTHER CHAPTER IS HERE! Lets focus on the fact that its here, and not the amount of time it took!**

**Oh, and the bold stuff is comlink, FYI.**

**Chapter four, The EX**

***Inserts epic face* **

_**I don't own Transformers… Hasbro does…**__ *__**sniff**__*_

"It's a small world, after all, it's a small world after all! It's a small world-"

"SKYWARP!"

Thundercracker huffed in annoyance. Skywarp had not stopped singing that blasted slag-fraggin' song for over two hours, and 'Cracker was on his last wire.

Skywarp stopped singing and pouted at him. Thundercracker huffed again.

"When's Screamer gonna get back?' Sky asked. Starscream had left the area to scout for any oncoming humans that might possibly be snooping around in the seekers' hidey-hole. He took one step outside and a bunch of rabid fangirls came out of nowhere, glomped him, and he was not to be seen again. Thundercracker huffed again.

"He's probably out there somewhere, but…. What?" An incoming transmission took Thundercracker's attention.

**-zztt- Is anybot there. –zttz-**

It was Soundwave. The decepticon's communication's specialist was trying to contact them.

"**Here**," Thundercracker answered.

**-zztt- WHERE THE FRAG ARE YOU GUYS. –zztz- WE'VE BEEN LOOKING ALL OVER FOR YOU. –zttz**- Soundwave yelled angrily. Well, not angrily, Soundwave can't show emotion. But he certainly amped up his volume.

Thundercracker flinched at the venom that Soundwave was attempting to convey. He cautiously answered.

"**Somewhere in Canada, I think… I'm hiding in a ditch with Skywarp but Starscream was attacked by fangirls and we have no idea where he is…"**

-zztz- **Idiots. We need you all here stat. Megatron blew up the base, and we need all the help we can get. And we temporarily allied with the autobots. Don't shoot at them. –zztz-**

Thundercracker could not believe what he was hearing. Autobots? Not shooting at autobots? But-…

"Skywarp, we need to go back to the base. With or without Starscream, The decepticons need us. They've allied with the autobots! We need to go and stop this unacceptable rubbish." Thundercracker announced. Skywarp pouted.

"Now? But this ditch is so comfortable…"

Thundercracker facepalmed. "NOW, Skywarp."

Skywarp whimpered and transformed into his jet mode. Thundercracker did the same, and the incomplete seeker trine flew off.

**Okay, now the seekers are back! Who knows what the fangirls did to Starscream… But I think we can all guess what will happen… No offence to anyone, don't hate me for poking fun at the peeps here. (Hides under desk avoiding incoming wrenches)**

**Please review! You know you want to… **

**I mean it! Click the button or I shall send my army of transformer OCs on you! (Evil laugh)**


	5. Chapter 4 and 12 :D

**Bah-weep-grannah- OH, what the Matrix, I've said this before. Oh, well. **

**I thought that this would be a funny little bit to put in the story. Its kinda short, but I hope U like! Just sit back, snuggle with your plush transformer toy (:P) and enjoy!**

**The EX, chapter 4.5!**

"Barricade, Bumblebee, stop denting each other's armor and shut up so  
we can hear what's going on." Jazz shouted while Soundwave next to him  
tried to pick up the sound frequencies that were from the crater. Any  
old Earth technology could not do that, but Soundwave's tech was not  
of earth, anyways. It was a little Cybertronian radio box, complete  
with a heavy satellite dish, which he made Jazz hold. 'Bee and Barri'  
reluctantly got up off the ground and dusted themselves off. Bee  
glared threateningly at 'Cade as he backed off. Soundwave played a little  
bit more with the little machine he had and suddenly hushed everyone.  
He took out his audiophones and let everyone hear what was happening  
with Megatron and Prime.  
Static buzzed in the speakers.  
-zztZgshp-  
Soundwave kicked Jazz so he would make the satellite face the right  
direction. Jazz kicked back. Soundwave groaned and set the volume on  
high again. Finally, Megatron's and Prime's conversation was to be heard.

-"Prime. Go away."  
"Can I please-"  
"I said, go away!"  
"-Megatron,"  
"GO AWAY!"  
"Okay, jeez. What's your problem?"  
"MY FRAGGIN' GIRLFRIEND IS MY PROBLEM!"  
"Calm down, calm down. Explain to me calmly..."  
BANG  
"Ow! Okay, be that way! You're no fun. Get over it, dude."  
"YOU get over it. And get away."  
"...Groan"  
"I SAID-"  
"Okay, okay, point that cannon away from my face. My face does not  
like getting blown up- NO! Don't point it there! That would _really_  
HURT!"  
"No, really. I am NOT IN THE MOOD FOR-"  
"Can we please... Just calm down? Take a few deep breaths..."  
"WE'RE FREAKING ROBOTS FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! WE DON'T 'BREATHE'!"  
"Okay, what about..."  
"Just get out."  
"-but"  
"For the trillionth time, GET OUT!  
BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BL-

Soundwave turned off the machine. There was an odd look on his faceplates. Amused? All  
the other robots just stood there, because the writer was too fraggin'  
lazy to make them do stuff at this point. In the far interior of the  
crater, a large mushroom cloud puffed. Looks like Megatron and Optimus  
were fighting. Again.

**LOL the autobots and deceptions' are very nosey. Or noseplate-ey. Or whatever… :D**

**How we all love some brother-to-brother bonding times, especially with explosions! The more explosions, the better. That's why I love Michael Bay movies so fraggin' much. **

**CLICK IT! THE REVIEW BUTTON. (Pulls out previously mentioned plushie TF and looks at you with big Chibi eyes)**

**I MEAN IT! (Plushie toy spontaneously blows up)  
**


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